Ch. 22 Ep. 8: The Star Has Doubts
As a favor to Ai, the School Idol Club searches for Mia, too. Rina, who helped Mia when she was hungry, thinks she knows where to search. There, she learns about Mia's past.
Rina
There you are.
Mia
…Rina. What do you mean, “there you are”?
Rina
Ai asked us all to look for you because you hadn't shown up. You weren't at the Association or in any of your classes. Everyone is worried.
Mia
…Why, because I'm still not done with the song? Is that what they're worried about?
Rina
Song? Nobody mentioned a song. Ai, Karin, Shioriko, and all of us in the Club were just worried because you'd disappeared.
Mia
Wow. You're worried about someone who can't even write music. A Mia Taylor who can't write is a Mia Taylor not worth caring about.
Rina
Worthiness doesn't matter here. If someone's missing, we're gonna worry. That's all there is to it.
Mia
It matters to me! I'm a member of the Taylor family! I have to live up to that name!
Rina
…Hup.
Mia
Why are you sitting down next to me?
Rina
'Cause I wanna sit.
Mia
Quit getting all weird and sympathetic on me.
Rina
It's hard to sympathize well if I don't know what happened.
Rina
So could you…tell me what happened?
Mia
Dammit!
Mia
…Everything I'm about to say is just me talking to myself. If you say a single word, I'm not gonna talk anymore.
Rina
…
Mia
I can't write music anymore. No matter how hard I try, it won't come out the way I want it to.
Mia
Up to this point, it came to me as naturally as breathing.
Mia
I'd gather the information, feel out what works, then put it all together based on my own musical sense. That method's always given me songs that were bound to go viral.
Mia
But that's all gone, now. Ever since I saw Shizuku perform after leaving the Association…everything's fallen apart.
Mia
It wasn't even a good song. It was cheap and barely even mastered… My songs are way, way more professional than that.
Mia
But when I heard Shizuku singing it, it took on a life of its own…
Mia
It's just unthinkable that I, of all people, would be unable to write a song.
Mia
If I don't keep making the greatest songs ever, I'll lose the only place I've ever belonged… But I still…
Rina
Hey, um…
Mia
I told you to keep your mouth shut!
Rina
*Whimper* I'm sorry. But I can't stay quiet anymore. Sorry to break my promise.
Rina
I get how long you've been struggling for, now. I bet it's really painful.
Rina
But you keep saying you don't belong anywhere, or that you're worthless… It's just a song or two. How could that be enough to take all that away?
Mia
JUST a song?! How dare you!
Rina
S-Sorry.
Mia
You don't get it at all. You don't know the pressures of being part of the Taylor family. The world came to love us through music, and they expect music from us!
Mia
Music is our prison. I hate it for what it's done.
Rina
If you hated it, you wouldn't be able to make such amazing songs.
Mia
Sure I could. I'm a genius.
Rina
No, I don't think you could. I think you like music, but you've just stopped finding enjoyment in it. If you can learn to enjoy it again, then…
Mia
Enjoy it…? There's no way. I'd regret interacting with music on a whim like that for the rest of my life if I tried.
Rina
Why's that?
Mia
Remember how you asked me why I don't sing?
Rina
Y-Yeah.
Mia
I used to. I loved singing, so I did it every day. My whole family said I had the voice of an angel.
Mia
They would tell me they couldn't wait for the day we could all stand on stage together.
Mia
Well, that day came. We were having a Taylor family recital, and I was going to sing in it. I was so excited, until I got to stand on the stage.
Mia
I was just so excited about how everyone was waiting for me to sing, I got up to the stage without a care in the world.
Mia
…But do you have any idea how quickly excitement can fade?
Mia
Thousands of eyes were on me, waiting with bated breath for the Taylor family's new star.
Mia
I just casually enjoyed music until then. I didn't know if there was any way for me to live up to those expectations…
Mia
If I had just been able to sing with pride, I'm sure they would've accepted me as another star…
Mia
But I couldn't. My knees were shaking and all I could hear was the sound of my own ragged breathing. It took all of my strength just to leave the stage without falling.
Rina
That's awful…
Mia
With that move, I threw my family's name into the mud.
Mia
That's why I decided to clear our name through something other than singing. I've tried all sorts of things, and writing music is where I wound up.
Mia
This isn't so bad, though. My songs spark emotions in people around the whole world, and I've managed to preserve the prestige of the Taylor name.
Mia
Now do you get it? Just because you enjoy music, it doesn't mean you'll succeed.
Mia
But if you don't enjoy it, you could still wind up like me. You'll lose yourself and never be able to write songs again…
Mia
I've completely lost any worth I ever had… Nobody needs me around anymore.
Rina
I… I do!
Rina
I'm fascinated by your songs, Mia. And I like hamburgers and video games, too. We've got two things in common, so let's be friends!
Mia
Excuse me? I just made myself look like a total idiot in front of you. Go on, get mad. I took all my feelings out on you. And it was just a stupid story. Leave it at that.
Rina
Nuh-uh. You were able to be vulnerable in front of me. That means we're closer now.
Mia
Seriously, what's your problem? How do you even get that impression?
Rina
I think I understand now. You've had so much on your mind. So much to overcome. And you've bottled it all up for so long.
Rina
I think it's a bit like your music. There's so many sounds all compiled into one beautiful song.
Rina
And some sounds you can't even hear with headphones. You have to use specialized audio devices.
Mia
…
Rina
But even if you can't hear them, if those sounds went away, it wouldn't be your song anymore.
Rina
It's just like that. Without those bottled-up feelings, you wouldn't be the same Mia I've become friends with.
Rina
You have to have those normally inaudible sounds AND those feelings you've locked up. Without them, your song isn't complete! And neither are you!
Rina
Actually, you know what? This is a lot like our club president's music.
Rina
Her songs always have our innermost feelings packed into them. Those feelings that nobody can see or hear are jam-packed in her songs.
Rina
Your songs are the same. That's why I like them.
Rina
Even if your feelings might be tricky to understand, your songs are still jam-packed with your innermost feelings.
Mia
Do you…really think so?
Rina
Of course I do! You're just incredible, Mia! And I love your music!
Mia
*Whimper* …Waaaah!!!
[Fade in/out.]
Mia
*Sniffle*
Rina
Here's a tissue.
Mia
I need another…
Rina
I'm all out, but I'll go get some. Just hold on a bit.
Mia
I can walk now… There's no point in me sitting here forever. And I want a whole box of tissues, so I'll go too.
Rina
Got it. I'll bring it to you, then. You can just stay here.
Mia
…Why?
Rina
You feel better by yourself in quiet places, right? I'm the same way.
Mia
Right… Well, I guess that's three things we have in common now.
Rina
Yeah!
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